ForeverAfter
by stylishkiller
Summary: Duo attempts suicide, Heero confesses his feelings - but will their love be enough to get them through what fate has instore? A multi chapter fic, and part one is up.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I think that's pretty obvious by now.  
Notes:   
1) Thanks to Aurenne for editing. Your comments and explanations kept me amused during the 1st day back to school and that's absolutely priceless.  
2). The GW boys are a bit older in this fic, somewhere around 18 (yes, this is happening after the Endless Waltz), but their Gundams have not been destroyed.   
3). I'd appreciate some feedback, as I'm (hopefully) writing chapter four of this fic, and have semi-run out of ideas. I love criticism, comments even flames.  
4) 1x2, 3x4, 5x(tbd).  
  
  
  
  
  
  
ForeverAfter.  
  
Prelude.   
  
  
Heero saw Duo lying out in the snow, surrounded by a pool of blood. Wisps of his beautiful, long hair ethereally floated around him, framing a youthful face, as pale as the snowflakes settling on it. Parts of Deathscythe littered the steppe around him, as though to provide an appropriate background to this macabre scene.  
"What's happening?" whispered Heero, thoughts of confusion running through his head - Had Deathscythe malfunctioned? Why was Duo lying so serenely out in the snow, so still and motionless?  
Then, his eyes focused on a small black remote in Duos hand - the self-detonation device was clutched in the long, artistic fingers of the Shinigami.  
In that one horrible moment it all clicked into place in Heero's mind.  
"No!" he screamed and the next thing Heero could remember was kneeling next to Duo, checking his pulse with hands that wouldn't stop trembling. The erratic, weak beat signified that Duo lived.   
Heero immediately placed an emergency call through to Quatre. Thankfully neither he nor Trowa had been asleep.  
The helicopter ambulance landed less than a quarter of an hour later, but to Heero it seemed as if years had passed. He sat there, on the blood-soaked snow, cradling Duo's body, first mumbling, then screaming - trying to cajole, beg and coax Duo into staying. Watching Duo die. Feeling, more than anything else, Duo's life-blood flow out of his veins, the warmth forsaking his light, fragile body.   
Heero began to tremble... he couldn't picture a life without Duo being right by his side - joking, pulling silly little pranks, rescuing him, and being rescued. As a last resort, Heero leaned towards Duo's ear and whispered, hoarsely and fiercely -  
"Duo, if you leave me now they'll be taking out two body bags, not the one, as you planned," and Heero pulled out his trusty gun, meaning every word, already reaching for trigger.  
Duo's eyes fluttered open, the amethyst gaze skimming over the brooding sky that he was looking at which resembled nothing more than his loves eyes. He didn't see Heero, but he knew his partner was there, perhaps sensing his distress, making an effort to comfort Heero, and to explain himself.  
"... I'm sorry, Heero. Remember me as I was, if you remember me at all, not as I am. I don't regret a thing apart from never gaining the strength to tell you how much I cared about you... But its too late now..." the second pilots voice was extremely quiet and something in his lungs was audibly gurgling.  
A bloody, trembling hand reached out and wiped away the tears that Heero had not been aware of, leaving a bloody streak in their place.  
"I do love you, know that at least..." and with that remark Duo's eyelids fluttered, his eyes closing, his breathing becoming shallower and the pulse even weaker.  
Heero saw Duo slipping, and acted - doing the only thing which came into his head - a thing he had been longing to do for months, hell - years. He gently lifted Duo's head, cradling the chin between his own hands - tilted the slightly open mouth upwards and proceeded to kiss Duo, his friend, his partner... his soul mate.   
Duo's eyes opened in shock. The striking violet eyes, clouded with pain, looked - truly looked into Heero's. As the helicopter ambulance landed, the medics rushed toward the crimson patch of snow, so contrasting to the stark white surroundings, and the two young men occupying it, only Duo heard the three sweetest words ever to come out of the Perfect Soldier's mouth. They were followed by a threat - "If you die on me today, I will hunt you down in the afterlife, and that, which will follow will leave you wishing for the deepest, darkest hell-hole ever invented by Dante."  
One serene smile was all that Heero had to reassure himself in the darkness that followed as he collapsed into a medic's awaiting arms. After all, it wasn't only Duo's blood decorating the snow.  
  
* * * *  
  
Quatre, Trowa and Wufei sat outside of he operating theatre... Well Nanashi sat, Angel was pacing up and down the corridor and Dragon Boy was going through every medical book, journal and magazine he could get his hands on at a speed defying all reason.   
The door opened, a nurse ran out, hurrying towards the reception desk. She looked worried, tired, and her neat white hospital robe was splattered with scarlet blood. After a quick consultation with the nurse on duty at the desk she walked over to the boys.  
Trowa made Quatre sit down and they twined their fingers, loaning each other strength and leaning upon one another. Wufei stopped leafing through the medical paper and gave all of his attention to the medic.  
"We have a problem - the colony has run out of type B blood, we've had a shortage of blood donors for a while and with the recent epidemic most of the donors we've had have become ineligible. We're having some frozen plasma shipped over, but it won't get here for a few hours and your friend, Duo Maxwell, has lost a lot of blood and is loosing more on the operating table as we speak..." she was interrupted by Wufei.  
"I'm type B, and clean. I'm more than happy to donate."  
And without much further ado the young nurse, looking much relieved, pulled Wufei into the sterilization chamber and from there to the operating room.  
  
* * * *  
  
Wufei found himself sitting in a wheelchair, right next to the table that held Duo's still form. It occurred to Wufei that his "co-worker" looked nothing like his usual self: he seemed almost translucent and his small, almost insubstantial, body was being dwarfed by the mechanical monstrosities, which were keeping him alive. He looked nothing like the ever-moving, cheerful, comical, braided baka that he had been this... hell, it seemed like months ago now... morning.  
Blood began to swirl down the clear plastic tube, going from Wufei's vein, into a machine, then into a bag and from there, into another tube and into Duo. Wufei began to feel a bit light-headed, and as the euphoric state was upon him he noticed Heero, swathed in bandages, crouching like a silent ghost (he was of the same pallor) in the corner. Heero's eyes were focused intensely on Duo, as if he was the only person in the entire universe. Wufei smiled, an unusual action for him, but he couldn't help it for he felt happy, because Heero was finally acknowledging of his feelings for Duo - and that was a thing worth celebrating under any circumstances, even these.  
"That's enough," came an authoritative voice. "We've already taken more blood than we should have, any more and we'll have another patient on our hands."  
Wufei felt the machine being turned off and with a last look at the beehive of activity which centred on Duo, he was wheeled off towards the corner occupied by Heero, and told that he could remain as long as he didn't disturb anyone.  
"How are you?" 'Fei decided to try his hand at conversation.   
"Hn..." The grunt seemed no different than usual, so it looked like he was fine. "Thank you."   
"He would have done the same for me." The Chinese boy said with a fond, yet concerned look in his eye. "The waiting was driving me up the wall anyway - I prefer action. Anyhow, however did you end up getting yourself shot?"   
"Oh it was nothing. Just a few stray pieces of Deathscythe landing here and there, some hit me as shrapnel." Heero sighed and pointed to his leg and arm, both heavily bandaged. "They said that I went into shock afterwards, you know, the age-old stress, blood loss and pain barrier scenario. Just don't tell him if he wakes up... It would hurt him even more, even though getting hurt was entirely my fault - I got out of Wing as soon as I saw what had happened, while the debris were still falling."  
"Not if Duo wakes up, Heero. When he wakes up." Wufei corrected his friend.  
"You look like hell."  
"Thanks Yuy, so do you."  
They shared a smile.  
"Why don't we go into a hall and reassure Quatre and Trowa that you're alive and well? Otherwise I'm beginning to fear that the little 'angel' is either going to go all System Zero on us or create a trench in the middle of the hall with all of his pacing," 'Fei decided to push his luck and try to entice Heero out of the room, after noticing all the vexed looks the operating staff were sending Heero's way.  
"Now that's where we meet a little problem. You see, every time I reach the door, Duo's vital signs go to hell. He has already been in a cardiac arrest twice today, when I tried leaving. I back off from the exit and he stabilises, without the doctors doing a thing. So everyone thinks it best if I don't leave his side. I don't want to leave either. He needs me. I... I need... him..."  
Wufei just nodded. He understood.   
  
* * * *  
  
Duo cautiously opened an eye. There was an unfamiliar ceiling above him. He was in a strange bed... one with what felt like a plastic mattress protector. The smell of antiseptic assaulted his senses. He immediately came to the conclusion that that he was in a hospital and was not pleased with this discovery. Duo loathed hospitals.  
Everything around him was still, but he was aware that there were other people in the room, four others to be precise. And their presence was a familiar one, a welcomed one. Duo tried to sit up, but couldn't. His movement was restricted not by tethers, as there were none. He just didn't have the strength.   
The others, Heero, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, were all deeply asleep, and having no wish to disturb their rest, Duo decided to get himself together. First came the inevitable question... What am I doing here?  
And to it, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find an answer. He just couldn't remember. The last thing he could recall was bidding them all a goodnight, and ascending the stairs of the little beach house they were occupying, going up to the observatory and brooding, looking at the midnight sky. And after that...   
...nothing.   
No memory at all, not even one of falling asleep.  
He decided to leave that question for later, as he was beginning to notice that his entire body hurt. Hurt badly. Hurt like hell, in fact. And was stiff, bandaged, and drugged to boot.   
Duo felt someone next to him stir. Shrugging off the sleepiness, and running a hand through his unruly hair, the Perfect Soldier awakened. He had been sleeping in the bedside chair, in the most uncomfortable position ever invented by man, but he had had a hold of Duo's hand and that in itself, was worth all of the protesting muscles. He sat up and looked straight into Duo's violet, gorgeous and aware eyes.  
Heero let out a squeak.  
Duo blinked. He had never though to hear that sound emerging from Heero's lips. He started to laugh, but it hurt entirely too much and sirens began to go off, people in white hurrying in by the truckload and invading the room, bringing with them needles and pills and entirely cutting off Duo's view of Heero. Duo panicked, more monitors beeped alarmingly and the drug-induced oblivion claimed him once more.   
  
* * * *  
  
Quatre sighed in relief. The medics were finally retreating beyond the salad-green doors. He was somewhat surprised that they had lasted this long, Heero's glares tended to make people nervous. Change that to made everyone nervous. Even Quatre. He was quite prepared to admit it, especially since Mr. I-Have-No-Fear Chang could be seen looking fairly anxious when the glares were flying around. Then again, Heero's unsurpassed powers of the glare had been muted somewhat ... he was being fussed over by a group of candy stripers - that usually makes it next to impossible to look menacing. The others were all awake now. All, but Duo that is. He had been put under, again, and would wake up in anything from 5 to 24 hours from now. A very precise estimate, Quatre was told.  
Quatre looked around the hospital room that had become their home over the last week. His eyes skimmed three other pilots, assessing the state of each. Heero needed a talking to. Wufei needed to get out. Trowa just needed breakfast. They all looked dead tired, restless and troubled. The situation was not getting better.  
Quatre came over to hug Heero's shoulders reassuringly.   
"I should have been awake. What if he had wanted something? What if he had needed help? I caused him pain. Its all my fault that he was hurting this time..." Heero trailed off and the look in his Prussian blue eyes was that of suffering.  
"Look, Heero, lets stop beating around the bush. You haven't had any sleep this entire week, you haven't eaten much, and you haven't even gone through any of the exercises that the doctors said would help with your own recovery! All that you've done is sit by Duo's bedside, day in, day out. You had to fall asleep sooner of later. Besides the laughter was a good sign. It means that he is still our Duo. Now go and get some rest. In a real bed this time, not a chair," Quatre added noticing that Heero was about to argue. "I'll watch over him," Quatre was in his element.  
"But..." the pilot of Wing was struggling to come up with good arguments for staying, but his brain was refusing to function.  
"Don't you trust me?" the 'angel' had decided to play dirty.  
Heero deemed it easier to give in and hobbled over to his bed, falling asleep immediately after hitting the thus far unused stark white sheets.  
Quatre took up Heero's former position in the chair, and a moment later was joined by Trowa, somehow after much discomfort they arranged themselves in a satisfactory fashion and cuddled, while Wufei decided to give everyone some privacy (or perhaps taking the chance to get out of the confines of the hospital ward) marched off on a mission to locate, acquire and deliver some gundanium alloy... Oh hell, make that breakfast.  
  
* * * *  
  
Duo woke up several hours later, this time with commotion about him, too-bright lights shining straight into his eyes.  
"Look mister, I don't know who you are, or what you think you're doing, hell, I don't even know where I am. But if you know what's good for you, cut that out!"   
The torch was turned off, and Duo slowly recovered from the light induced blindness. First came the shapes. Then the colours and last of all were the little details in between.  
He noticed Quatre giggling at his response in the corner and Trowa standing right behind his lover and looking vastly amused, that, translated for Trowa's facial expressions, was a small smirk. Wufei was nowhere in sight, which probably meant that he had positioned himself in such a position on purpose, and Duo could hear the sounds of stifled laughter emerging from a north-easterly direction.  
The doctor, meeting Duo's cold look, made a swift exit.  
Heero was in the bedside chair again, trying to look impartial, and failing rather spectacularly.  
"Hey guys. Now would anyone care to tell me what I am doing here?" Duo turned on the charm. He could tell something was wrong. Even his comical reaction had failed to bring a smile to Quatre's eyes and everyone around him looked fairly worried, drained and plain worn out. Somehow he knew this was all entirely his fault. It was always his fault.   
"You mean you don't remember?" burst out Heero.  
"Remember what?" Duo asked innocently.  
Heero stormed out of the room, uncharacteristic emotions playing on his face, struggling to regain control.   
Duo blinked. The further Heero was getting away from him, the more Duo hurt. It wasn't like the ache that he could feel in his entire body... It hurt so much more.  
"You self destructed," explained Wufei helpfully.  
"Oh..." Duo tried to sound surprised, but he wasn't. Thoughts of suicide had been playing around in his head since the day the war had ended.  
He was the Shinigami.  
He was the God of Death.  
He was absolutely useless.   
"Duo, why?" the question, filled with pain and fury came from Heero, who stood over by the door clutching the doorframe for moral support.  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
And so they didn't.  
  
* * * *  
  
"So he doesn't remember anything of what followed his botched attempt at taking his own life?"  
"Or so he claims," Trowa's voice sounded atypically condescending.  
"But that means that he doesn't know what Heero did for him... Or even that Heero has finally come to admit his feelings for him..." Wufei said, a distressed look forming upon his face.  
"We have to do something," the nameless concluded.  
"No," said Quatre firmly. "They'll sort everything out in good time. We shall not interfere."   
  
* * * *  
  
Duo was finally allowed to go for a "walk" in the park surrounding the hospital... Heero had come to enjoy spending sunny afternoons wheeling Duo's chair along the pathway. The only problem was that they didn't talk. At all. The normally loud baka had retreated into himself and had become more silent than Trowa.  
Heero found this distressing.  
Heero wanted to... talk.   
He wanted to discuss why Duo had done what he did.  
He wanted to tell Duo how he really felt about him. He wanted to shout his feelings to the world, but he couldn't. He couldn't even whisper them to the wind.  
But on this one day he just couldn't take it any more. He whirled the wheelchair around and faced the startled violet eyes.   
"Why?"  
Duo immediately knew what Heero had meant.  
"I'm the Shinigami. And he... is me. He has become useless and wants to be terminated. I have nothing to live for, so why should I not fulfil his request? Look at it this way - Quatre has Trowa. You have your bodyguard agency and Relena. Wufei has his library and numerous girlfriends and boyfriends to occupy his time with. I have nothing." His despondent tone tore at Heero's heart. "My soul died in the Maxwell Church massacre and the body just wants to follow. I've lost my purpose, Hee-chan. And it hurts to be useless. It hurts more than anything." Duo said it all at once, barely breathing, struggling to convey his tortured thoughts to the man before him. Tears silently rolled down Duo's pale cheeks.  
Heero couldn't stand it. He let his emotions rule him and hugged Duo, in public, wiping his tears, whispering sweet nothings into his friend's ear, trying to take some of the hurt away, trying to make Duo feel better, trying to keep Duo with him, just like before.  
"You called me back," said Duo suddenly, eyes bright, knowing how much this public display was costing Heero. "Why?"  
"... Because I care about you," Heero didn't have any trouble saying it, none at all, not after Duo had admitted it, even if he didn't remember - and it felt oh-so-right. "Duo, I love you. I don't want to live without you, I promise you that if you stay I'll do everything... anything you want and need. Just don't leave me."  
Duo looked shocked.  
"You do?" he asked incredulously.  
"Yes. I love you. What I feel for you goes beyond the realm of words, and my poor mortal lips can't begin to describe my feelings for you," Heero said it all out loud, not caring who heard, only looking into those perfect, violet eyes, looking, searching for... he wasn't sure what.  
And there it was.  
"I..." a slight hesitation, and then "I love you too. I've loved everything about you since the first time I saw you."  
They both looked into each other's eyes at the same moment. Heero took Duo's right hand into his and they reached for each other at the exact same moment. The wheel chair overturned unexpectedly, sending them sprawling onto the grass. They both began laughing, if somewhat hysterically.  
"Promise me that you'll never do that again. Or at least ask me to accompany you? I'll be glad to follow you right into the gates of hell and beyond," pronounced Heero, fiercely holding Duo on the somewhat prickly lawn.  
"I promise."  
A bit of silence followed, both of the boys admiring the faultless blue sky above them.  
"Hey Heero, you know what?" asked Duo, the same old mischievous spark slowly returning to his eyes.  
"Hmm?" Heero asked, not really caring what Duo would say, just ecstatic about Duo's recovery and simply content to hear the beautiful voice for the rest of his life. However long that may be.  
"Dying hurt like hell."  
They both burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles, rolling on the ground and then coming back for air. Noticing Heero's proximity Duo kissed him. He had meant it to be a quick, light, intense kiss, but it evolved and became something so much more.  
The sun was setting when they began the walk back to the hospital. The others immediately noticed the changes in them both, and exchanged smiles. Everything was right with the world, and Duo and Heero only had eyes for each other. And before falling asleep, embracing on the couch that night, Duo asked –  
"Do you think we can get a dog?"  
"Anything you'd like, Duo. Anything. Even if it's a little house, with a white picket fence," came Heero's reply.   
  
* * * *  
* * * *  
* * * *  
  
To be continued.  
  
So what did you think? 


End file.
